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Those who laugh last think slowest
Whoever said nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door
Save a tree, eat a beaver! Hurray for Earth Day!
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher
Let’s share, You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway
You never learn anything by doing it right
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources
Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege
Don’t take life so seriously, it isn’t permanent.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand
In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done
Do you believe in love at first sight or do i have to walk by again?
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong
I’ve lowered my expectations to the point where they’ve already been met
Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go
Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.
Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes
I can resist everything except temptation
a Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother
A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Every calendars days are numbered
A backward poet writes inverse
Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery…
Dijon vu — the same mustard as before
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds
Without geometry, life is pointless
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A flat minor
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large
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