Do you want to build an empire, rule the world, or proclaim yourself supreme leader of the human race? All of these are respectable goals which can be achieved by following a few basic steps. Including following me on Twitter. Interested in learning more? Subscribe to the Looble RSS Feed.
Please all mighty overlord, tell me more…!
For now, lets keep things simple. Finances. You can’t build an empire unless you can finance your evil operations. That’s why blogging is an essential part of being an evil overlord, it’s an unlimited stream of income that will be the foundation of your evil career.
How do I start a blog?
First things first – you need to setup a blog by visiting Host Gator. Yes, that’s an affiliate link, and yes you will click it anyways.
It’s not going to be all peaches, some assembly will be required. What did you expect, to be handed an evil empire? Don’t be lazy, that’s why I’m evil overlord, not you.
more funny pictures
How do I turn this blog into a love machine… I mean money maker?
Your blog is a beautiful piranha fish waiting to grow into a flesh eating monster. Sure it starts off tiny, unnoticed, and insignificant, but give it time. Yes, time is the main ingredient you’ll need to invest in your blog. By constantly investing time, you can turn a tiny little website into a huge empire! Blog often, do it on a consistent schedule and comment comment comment!
Comment on what?
Comment on other blogs. How do you think you ended up here, by magic? I don’t think so. Contrary to popular belief, most overlords do not command an evil sorcerer. If an evil sorcerer were real, don’t you think they would be evil overlord?
Comments on other blogs are tiny gateways to your domain. The more gateways you create, the more minions you can funnel into your blog and enslave.
Sounds easy, what’s the catch?
The catch is you. You’re lazy, you’re an oaf, a couch potato with no motivation to last long enough to turn your simple minded boring blog into a stream of income.
But don’t worry, that’s what I’m here for. Subscribe to the Looble RSS Feed, you need my help. Every successful blogger out there has an evil overlord coaching them, whether they admit to it or not. You know those voices in your head? Who do you think put them there?
That’s right, master is here.
So, how do I actually make money from my blog?
Patience minion. I can teach you the ways, but I fear sharing this final secret to fortune will overload your tiny little feeble brain.
If you want to learn how to make money from your blog, subscribe to the Looble RSS Feed and I’ll tell you. Maybe in a day, maybe in a week. I will tell you. The suspense is thrilling, it’s part of the overlord persona.
For now, focus on the task at hand. Visit Host Gator and setup your website.
Will you really teach me how to make money online, or are you only using me for your own personal gain?
Of course I’m using you. I’m exploiting your desire to become rich and powerful in order to increase my own personal wealth.
That’s exactly the sort of brilliance I will teach you if you subscribe to my RSS Feed and visit my empire often.
If you can’t wait, check out my Blogging for Dummies section for advice written specifically for you. It’s only condescending if you let it be.
Can’t Wait? Need to know my best money making technique?
If you can’t wait, that’s fine. Donate 20$ and i’ll email you my best money making technique. I’ll tell you how to easily make hundreds of dollars using your blog.
Just keep in mind, I will eventually reveal this secret on my blog to everyone. So you can wait, or let your impatience be your undoing.
It’s your choice…
